前幾天，《追新聞》採訪了吳明德，問他《追新聞》變《追光者 PULSE HK》後，會否繼續在新平台分享他的見解。
吳教授說，根本不是他支不支持的問題，而是他很感恩，在海外有一班很有香港心的香港人，給他一個發揮生命意義的機會。
過去一周，《追新聞》也問我是否願意繼續在《追光者 PULSE HK》寫我的專欄，我的回覆跟吳教授一樣。過去三年，我一直沒覺得我在支持《追新聞》，反而覺得是他們在支持我。
《大公報》認為《追光者 PULSE HK》成立的目的是搞軟對抗。我想到5年前我寫過的一篇英文專欄，“I have become a reluctant dissident”，裏面講述我如何被外部環境逼成「對抗者」。5年後重看該文，除了觀點完全沒變，還多了一份自豪，因過去幾年雖然人生有起伏（被逼離開家園等），但因《追新聞》的存在，給了我理由繼續寫作。對我個人來說，既然路已走得更遠，更沒理由放棄。我希望的是，海外港人平台能繼續存在，和我能有更多精力分享更好的東西。
下面是我5年前寫的那篇英文專欄。
I have become a reluctant dissident
When the dance critic Edwin Denby observed a group of dancers working out in class, he was fascinated by the attention they paid to a wealth of details that had completely escaped him while he was watching them perform on stage: they practised descending from a jump by landing not on the big toe but on the third one; they cared whether they should maintain the wrist in the same position when moving the arm. In their capacity to take pleasure in the rigors of their profession, they are in communion with not only their peers but also with previous generations of dancers, who had likewise been seized by a compulsion to get the many fine points of their art right. It is this sense of belonging to something larger than themselves that Denby thinks gives dancers “a feeling of dignity and of proud modesty.”
Denby’s takeaway from that dance class can shed light on a question that has long baffled me: why do I have this revulsion against doing English copywriting work for CCP-related outfits? I know I have what it takes to transform CCP propaganda in readable English. Yet, instead of pouncing onto this ready means to earn a living, I’d rather exile myself to the world of independent news outlets, would rather – now that the national security law is in effect – bear the risk of being sent to prison in China, should the authorities suddenly take a violent dislike to my writings. Why am I so hellbent on working against my self-interest?
The only answer I can think of is, like the dancers Denby scrutinized, my British-style education developed in me a love for the subtleties of English, and so, putting my fluency in the language at the service of the thuggish regime that is CCP would be an affront to the senses – perhaps even more an aesthetic issue than a moral one.
By way of illustration, below is a paragraph from a press release the Hong Kong government recently issued. Further below is my rewrite of it. Now, imagine being me. Between writing my own stuff versus polishing gibberish like this, is there really a choice?
Hong Kong government’s version
“Taking advantage of anti-government riots in Hong Kong since June last year, the US Congress and the White House have passed successive laws and pronounced executive order targeting the HKSAR under the pretext of human rights, democracy and autonomy. It should be obvious to and resented by many people, locally and around the world, that the US acts are displaying double standards and hypocrisy, let alone blatantly breaching international laws and basic norms governing international relations.”
I would have improved the government’s copy as follows:
“In the light of the US’s track record of disparaging other countries for committing deeds it itself has done, it is regrettable though hardly surprising that on the issue of Hong Kong, the US, which has its own national security laws, has the presumption to deem China’s enactment of the same laws for Hong Kong as unjustifiable.”
Other than Denby, the Czech dissident Vaclav Havel is also helping me make sense of my options as a writer in Hong Kong under a belligerent CCP. “You do not become a ‘dissident’ just because you decide one day to take up this most unusual career,” Havel explains, “you are thrown into it by your personal sense of responsibility, combined with a complex set of external circumstances.” Havel cited the example of his immediate boss at a brewery he once worked for in the 1970s. That fellow was a rarity in a socialist country: he put his soul into his job. Simply by becoming obsessed with the quality of beer the factory produced, he was defying his party-appointed managers. They drove him out shortly.
Among the numerous indications of how low Hong Kong has sunk is this: the fact that when someone like me reads Havel, his words can resonate so deeply.
Michelle Ng
英國牛津大學畢業，前《蘋果日報》和《眾新聞》專欄作家，現在身在楓葉國，心繫中國大陸和香港。
聯絡方式： michelleng.coach@proton.me
個人網站： https://michellengwritings.com
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